First, I must say I apologize for my extended absence from the blogging world. However, in this time, I have been able to collect some great material for my loyal readers! I will do my best to keep posting on a regular basis from now on...
Here is the story of
The One Who Was Insulting:
I must say, sometimes you go out with someone a few times and you ignore the warning signs....then you end up on the date from hell that starts off terrible and just gets worse until there really is no turning back.
I went out with (lets call him Sailor...you will see why shortly) Sailor a few times. I made the classic mistake of ignoring key warning signs that this would clearly be a disaster, until of course the third date which was insane...let's start from the begining:
With my luck so far, I should never have answered his email. He seemed nice and wasn't bad looking, think Dave Matthews without the awesome music skills and an annoying personality.
Date 1: I suggested we meet half way, so he insisted on New Haven considering it was maybe a 20 minute drive for him and about an hour for me. He didnt want to go anywhere further from New Haven so I finally agreed. We had dinner, conversation was decent...he told me he was in the Navy for a few years. Since I am a sucker for a man in uniform I inquired some more....thats when the "real" story coems out:
"well I never really served" he explained that he actually never served because he left about 3/4 of the way into training due to disagreements with superior officer and "reasons he wouldn't elaborate on." That's all fine, except you still wear your dog tags and constantly talk about how you were in the Navy....but you never served? that kind of rubbed me a little the wrong way.
Side note: Do not get me wrong...people have reasons to leave or do not serve, whatever, but I have friends in service, so constantly bringing up your experience when you did not go through training just kind of annoyed me.
Then the phone calls began....everyday even if after I said I do not want to talk on the phone or am at a movie I got 2-3 voice mails so we could "chat" later when I was free.
Second Date: We went to dinner at a great sushi place I love. He cameout to me, which was nice since he lives an hour away and then we went for drinks after. This is when I really ignored warning signs....
Drinks: We sat in a booth for drinks. Right away he sat on the same side of the booth as me. Now, if you like to do that, go for it, but personally this is not my style. I would much rather sit across from you then next to you in a booth. He ordered dessert, which I really wasn't hungry for and when it arrived he tried to feed me. I literally put my hand up and said "I don't think so, I am a big girl and can feed myself if I decide I want anything." Then he dipped his finger in the sauce and went to shove it in my mouth...
Listen Sailor, I do not know where you hands have been...nor do I want them in my mouth in the middle of a restaurant. He also tried to sing in my ear Dave Matthews songs
...TIP: if you can't sing it, don't try. He then proceeded to talk about how awesome he is, how many girls he dated and how they all still try to see him by making up excuses adn going to his house...
Yet I ignored it all, chalking it up to the fact that he was 34 and maybe this is how I should be acting?
But after this date I kind of had enough. He called constantly. Then would make fun of my roommates because we were having a Nerf gun war...his response"in the Navy we play with real guns!" (inner dialogue:" I really don't care, stop being an annoying douche and stop talking about how you were in the Navy").
I also want to mention....he constatly sends me text messages refering to his very large penis...if you have to say how big it is all the time, especially in out of the blue conversation, its really not that big! Also, I don't care, nor did I ask, so why do you keep messaging these things to me? I also have no plans to see it...so there you go.
He did help me out for a class though since he does international business and I needed to get information about it for an interview (which he also mentioned in multiple answers about how the Navy trained him for international business). I also figured, maybe it was me being weird about someone a little older than I am used to and maybe it was just one of those bad dates.
So I agreed to go on a third
Date 3: When he picked me up, he wanted to get sushi or hibachi at the same place we went to last time because the owner knows me and he wanted to get another free sushi role and we got some free stuff last time....he legit said this to me so right away I was agitated.
We get there and are seated right away, free role and the man insists we have a hibachi dinner. I am ok with this as I usually just have sushi so it is rare for me to make this change.
As we finish our meal, he takes me by the shoulders and says "I am worried about you...Do you have an eating disorder? I think you might since you couldn't finish your entire meal"
My Mouth dropped. I rarely eat an entire meal when I go out. On top of this....
Are you joking!? First, hibachi is huge, we ate sushi before the meal started and I am a small girl....but look at me!!! I have boobs AND an ass. Those who know me can attest....I do not have an eating disorder and trust me, I don't look like I have one either. So where this guy got this idea is way beyond me.
The owner hears this and walks over saying "no, no She eats a lot I swear!" I appreciate the save, but now I sound like a fat ass...oh well.
He gives me a concerned look and says "lets go elsewhere for drinks." I should have said no....should have ended it there, but he drive an hour for me and felt bad so I agreed.
We sit down and it is CROWDED. I purposely sat in the center of the booth seat so he wouldn't sit next to me. The waitress asks if we wanted food. Sailor says "we might in a little bit" so she leaves the menus after she takes our drink orders. I had a Jameson and ginger...he had a hard cider. (I adore hard cider, but honestly, if you are out with a girl who is drinking whiskey..do not get hard cider). He then proceeds to bash the waitress for leaving the menus:
Sailor: "Why the fuck did she leave this menu here?"
Me: "um, you just implied you might want food later..."
Sailor: "This is ridiculous! She could have taken away the menus and brought them back when I wanted to look at them!!"
Me: "It really isn't that big of a deal, you said you might order something, relax. It's crowded too so who cares"
Sailor: "ridiculous!"
I have many friends in food service, so being rude to your server is not okay with me. You are not above anyone, so be polite. I hope she spit in your drink....
Then he starts on the seating:
(Conversations are what was really said)
Sailor: "fuck this, I want to sit next to you, move over"
Me: "actually, can we stay sitting across from each other? It makes me really uncomfortable siting on the same side of the booth."
Sailor: "why? Don't you want to TALK to me?"
Me: "It just makes me uncomfortable, I would prefer to talk to you over the table..."
Sailor: "I have to talk louder to talk to you, I want to sit next to you"
Me: "You can talk to me from your seat across from me."
Sailor: "Fine. I was a (insert creepy accent here)
THESPIAN! so I guess I can talk to you from here...but I want to be close to you so I can touch you and stroke your hair."
Me: "I'm fine without that thanks"
Sailor: "I want to get wasted"
Me: "well you still have to drive me home, but I guess I can just call my roommate to come get me"
Sailor: "You should trust me!"
Me: "I don't ha ha"
Sailor: "you should...new drink!! (he insisted on drinking from a dark bottle rather than a glass so since I was no where near done with my drink, the waitress didn't come over. He stands up and says
"she fucking sucks I'm going to the bar!" snaps his fingers until she comes over and rudely demands a new beverage)
Sailor: "fine then I am sitting next to you!"
He then gets up, comes to my side of the booth ans shoves me over....putting his hand in my hair and turning my head so I have to look at him.
Sailor: "isn't this better? we can talk now"
Me: can you not? Also, I think I know someone over there so take your hand out of my hair"
Sailor: "all the more reason to show off" (kisses my neck)
Me: "seriously, stop"
Sailor: "Fine"
After drinks I slipped some extra cash into the bill since he barely tipped our server and he drove me home...but of course, it didn't end there...oh, no..
Once in my parking lot, he ran over to my side of the car to open the door and gets on me like a girl would sit on a guys lap to kiss me. He grabs my hair and says "keep your eyes open, I want to watch you enjoy my kisses."
(seriously, we have barely made out...who the heck says this stuff?)
CREEP!
Me: "okay thanks! goodnight!"
Sailor: "wait...you are not inviting me up?
Me: "nope, goodnight! Bye!"
Sailor: but its the third date! I want to meet your friends..."
Me: "Well I don't want you to meet them and I don't care so goodnight."
Sailor: "we don't have to have sex! I just want to sleep over!"
Me: "yeah that isn't going to happen so goodnight"
I make my escape upstairs and reflect...
Dating 101: Never ignore warning signs or you will embark on a date from hell.
